Chapter 8
Chapter 8: Operation Rat, Gobble-Gobble and Flush
Degenarat-issues – Captain Hunter's last flight – Leaks of Sister Cain?
(For early character development, read http://www.usdoj.gr/ebook )
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f4/Ratking.jpg
Inside the Bonanno Double Decker 11 coffin, Roland’s volunteer wharf rats feast on a brick of Aged Edam crumbled into the degenerat-issues and gobble into the exploculated body cavities of a man who never was. Note that Amelia must not not recognize David Hunter’s corpse. Amelia confirms the cross dresser would be folding his tent due to the November 14th Operation "Clean Slate" and HUBZone blackshirts or BlackZone brownshirts have told Duncan H. that he can withdraw or perish. Amelia heard 'Hot-Air' will ultimately endorse 'B Hussein O'; she hears talk of Arkancide, fratricide and heterocide (after all they like to whack kids in front of adults – remember Waco and the Murrah Building day care. And by about July 1, they will have to Arkancided a patsy to conceal the post 9/11 anthrax letter hit with the sabotage spore powder containing shit stolen from Plum Island by HUBZone security. Chips completes a flush and switches from foreplay to role-play, donning a US Marshal Service, Badge Number 69 for a Sam McCloud, Taos, New Mexico. He eludes a Cobra airlines veteran trying to police his urostomy bag full of warm beer. Clipper from Amelia or a leaking Sister Cain, "Flash, execute Boulger Bravo, Customs shutting down MSP in 5 minutes with dragnet”. Chips flashes his US Marshall Service ID, sprints to Somalian-driven taxi, passes Old Post Office facility barricades and crosses over into a 1996 Fleetwood Limo. Just after Annandale, Stone says "Oh shit". Seeing 5 chase vehicles all traveling 85 plus mph, Chips drink a little faster
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Hearing the sound of the shower, Caffrey looked at her bedside clock with quartz movement. In her bathroom the sound of the shower was covering up for another 'quarts' movement as Chips discovered the chicken curry served last night might have contained some bad chicken. After a 'courtesy flush' and another 2 minutes of concentration Chips had completed the message to USDOJ and jumped in the shower after a brief, and briefless, self inspection. Not the worse for wear he enjoyed the steamy environment and washed up very quickly knowing a DHL van would be behind the hotel any minute. He was just about to turn off the water when he was joined in the shower by a red head in the buff. Hugging him and drawing herself close, she murmured 'hold me, I'm cold'.
'Not everywhere according to my temperature sensitive pitot tube' was the informed response of 'he who had great plans' for the hour between 0800 and 0900. 'Pickup isn't until 1025 so why don't you relax in the tub, I need to go see Homi behind the hotel, I will be back in 15 minutes'. Gently separating to go, Caffrey gave him 2 soft squeezes on his bookmark so that he'd remember where they left off. Drying himself off, he remembered she had put one key under the Merlot bottle. As he pulled on his khaki shorts and Tom Selleck shirt, he found his Wal-Mart loafers and headed down to meet Homi. Behind the layover hotel, between the building and the canal where the Rainbow Warrior ties up, Chips saw that Homi was sitting in the driver seat watching Duke mark some territory and foul some other. Noticing Chips walking toward the van, Duke walked directly towards him until he got his scent and then trotted up, tail wagging. Homi crawled out of the van and opened the back of the truck. When Chips, Homi and Duke were all lined up along the back bumper Homi asked Chips to put his ear up to the coffin. Chips didn't understand why but the trust level was high so he did as requested. From inside he heard some strange sounds, occasional squeaks, it appeared, and a cacaphony of light crunching noises.
'I give up Homi, what is creating that unusual noise?' asked Chips, genuinely confused by how a 'John Doe' corpse could generate those sounds.
'Chips, remember this is a double decker, right?'
'Yes, I remember but wasn't the lower deck empty on this transfer?' enquired our no-so-dead-man Chips.
'Those 22 volunteer wharf rats that Roland lined up were put in the lower compartment yesterday after Dr. Denhaen supervised the prep of the body. Here is the travel document for the corpse, a Captain David Hunter, age 58, but by the time Boulger gets the body there will be nothing left because Spanner and myself put a 2 pound brick of Aged Edam in the degenerat-issues ofthe body cavity where the major organs were removed. The rats were fasting last night but just after I pulled up I opened the 'rat gate' and as you can hear, they are having breakfast'.
'I'd hate to be the person at Boulger who opens this' commented Chips.
'Boulger has the same QinetiQ model BDD11 waiting for you Chips, this one will be sent to the Air National Guard Fire Department and will be used on a fire suppression drill during the January drill weekend at the ANG. In the meantime it will be stored outdoors in the old 'Hush House' emblazoned with 'the sound of freedom', a sound that has gone quiet since the Weatherwomen succeeded in having the Happy Hooligan F16s retired even though Fargo had the best safety record in the Air Force. I've got to get this stiff out to NWA 45,' said Homi, whistling for Duke and opening the passenger door. Duke hopped in and as they were set to go Chips asked 'Hey Homi, I see you have 2 more BDD11s back there, are they spares?'
'Good point Chips, they are inventory going to Baghdad aboard Iraqi Air Flight 27' responded Homi settling into the driver's seat and giving Duke some beef jerky.
'Iraqi Air 27? Iraqi Air is not supposed to come on line until 2010 at the earliest according to Amelia' opined Chips.
'Ask your sister if she has ever heard of KBR. Iraqi 27 does not have a paint job suggesting they are Iraqi Air. However, regardless of the paint job, I assure you these two BDD11s will be enroute to Baghdad on Iraqi Air 27 by 2pm, think back to when Oliver North and Secord needed to move some weapons in a 707. The paint job did not reflect the true owner of the jet', quipped Homi as he put the van in motion. Turning left, he waved, went counterclockwise around the hotel and headed for Schilphol. Chips looked at his watch, 0734, well ahead of schedule. As he walked back into the layover hotel he saw a fresh arrangement of flowers. Within moments the vase was empty and a trail of tears led to a recently closed non-Otis elevator door. Exiting on the first floor our man Chips slipped into Room 105 with the flowers as he heard water running around something else he would like to slip into soon. With his clothes all set for the egress later he slipped into the bathroom, noticed the bubble bath was almost full, and slipped into the #2 position in the Olymic water luge, a new event just created in Room 105 of the crew layover hotel in North Amsterdam. Knowing the deleterious effects of too much sail area resisting acceleration of a luge, water borne or otherwise, Caffrey leaned back to reduce drag and grabbed the tiller, indicating to Chips that she would be directing the course of the luge so to speak. Raising a wet left foot out of the luge to turn off the water flow, a relaxed Captain Luge whispered 'I have a flow you can not turn off, foot or no foot.' At that thought the luge tillerperson decided it was time for some freestyle wrestling as she stood up, did an about face, and stuck her business in his face. Rising to her gambit, Chips accepted the towel offered and quickly dried off, noting the time was now 0758 so he knew he had almost 90 minutes until the contractually required one hour call used on all international layovers. Good thing Chips had the world record for low air refueling, done in an F4 at 200 feet, as it helped him 'plug in' on the first 'contact'.
Soon they had achieved synchronous autothrust and Caffrey was recalling how he became known as Derrick Pumper. She smiled as he continued to drill for the mother lode. The ill-timed contractual wakeup call arrived prior to finding the reservoir so that Caffrey had to stifle the alarm with one hand while she urged him on with her other. Derrick's drilling techniques were so effective that Caffrey was sure OPEC could drop the price to $30 a barrel if the government would let Captain Pumper do some drilling out to 50 miles, the Barrow area, or the Bakken reserve under North Dakota.
After punctuating the 90 minute mini-enduro with a double dribble rimshot at the buzzer, the writhing red head wound down as a spent stallion headed to the shower; again. Soon it was musical showers as contestant two handed contestant one a towel so he could dry off and get out of room 105 before any crewmates could draw the correct conclusion about Caffrey's layover. Loose lips sink ships. As she was toweling off a bouquet of flowers was laid in the sink, one the few places she had not been. After our man Chips had exited Room 105, Caffrey looked through her Rainbow Warrior collection of underpinnings before settling on 'Classic Cinammon'. While Caffrey began to put the cinnamon thong into play downstairs in the coffee line, Chips started thinking about Neil Young's 'Cinnamon Girl', a song from roughly 1970. Ordering two tall coffees each with a shot of espresso, he made mental note to check at the first opportunity to see if the color du jour was cinnamon which caused the periscope to start thinking about it. He sat at the table closest to the reception desk so he could watch the crews come and go while he waited for Caffrey to join him. At the very moment Caffrey stepped from the Otis elevator, Chips' phone ending in 9767 went off and he noted 'Dancer' in the caller ID.
'Go ahead Dancer, Chips here. At the crew hotel, on schedule for Flight 45, how goes the battle at the Marriott Courtyard?'
'Everything A-OK at this end. I clippered Amelia and told her about your passing; she was distraught, of course. She mentioned that for whatever reason the departure from DC has been moved up to 0700 Wednesday, 12-19-07. She said Dirtball had a Park Service helo dropping her at the USCG ramp at Reagan National and that the door would be closed at 0650 for an 'end of curfew blastoff'; he said you'd understand the pilot talk. He also mentioned 3 codes would be on board, same codes as before. Therefore flight was dispatched as NODAK 01 and that a Justice 75 from 'Willy' would be in Fargo at the same time for a prisoner swap and an Intel update. Justice 75 would then take some Stillwater cons to OK City while Justice 10 would take a local Judge from the 8th District Appellate court to Washington, with Queen Hornet'.
'I understand it all, Dancer, any political insights expressed by Queen Hornet?'
'Yes, she confirmed the cross dresser would be folding his tent due to the November 14th Operation 'Clean Slate' hit in Fargo. It sounds like in addition to Peter G. from the CFR, Freddy T from GE will be canceling his campaign, followed by the 'Carolina Haircut' who is being recalled by his spouse. Hornet says that some of the HUBZone blackshirts or perhaps they were BlackZone brownshirts have made it plain to Duncan H. he can withdraw or perish, and in a startling change, Queenie thinks that 'The Great Suspender' will step aside in the same month that RFK was hit in. She mentioned a possible newsman hit, also to occur in June, 2008, but that was based on Suite 450 chatter harvested from Sidley Austin by the new protégé there. Hornet told me to tell you the protégé was an intern at S&A in the Diversity program after her period of S&M in the Perversity program. It looks like payback for the Boeing Beagle switch that sent two Darling Drones to NY to finish off the work of the Weatherwoman, who now infest S&A as wharf rats infest the coffin on flight 45. This may sound weird, but Amelia heard from a Washington insider that 'hot-air' will ultimately endorse 'B Hussein O' so that when the 'Great Suspender' dials his number, fat Al will join the 'Great Suspender' in helping Dems come together after his unfortunate loss regardless of whether it is Arkancide, fratricide or heterocide. Queenie thinks it most likely will be fratricide as Rezko rolls over on his neighbors but they do like whacking kids in front of helpless adults. Let’s make sure we always remember Waco and the day care in the Murrah Building. That's it, gotta run, the taxi's outside, he's blowing his horn, chow'.
'Dancer, great report, but don't think I didn't notice Mary Travers hit 'Leavin On a Jet Plane' by Peter, Paul, and Mary, from 1969, written by John Denver. See you at the boarding area Gate E6, I will be in an Afro and have a GWB with me. Caffrey will be working Economy while it appears I may luck out and get seat 2B. It was reserved for Mrs. David Hunter but I doubt she'll show, what with the funeral and all.....shalom.' Click. Click.
When the marathon phone call ended, Chips noticed the time and noticed Caffrey pulling her rollaboard down the ramp towards the bus. He could not find his own Jet-Eze 747 rollaboard but on second sweep he saw it piggy backing on hers, and he looked forward to piggy backing on her the first chance he got. Hurrying to the bus he made a mental note to himself; color du jour. As Chips boarded the bus he thought it looked rather full and then he remembered that Memphis leaves at the same time as 45. As he walked through the bus in his civvies several sets of eyes looked as if they recognized him, which is unlikely because he was dead. Perhaps it was the Idaho Baker in his Oscar de la Renta Slingshot Rumpmaster in Manly Mocha they were responding to. He saw an empty seat next to a fat balding captain and would have joined him until he saw Captain Nobrain was picking his nose. Disgusted by the depth to which the Attorney CEOs had driven the US airline industry, he walked further aft, past the rear door and found a vacant seat; across the aisle from Caffrey whose ID card said Shannon McKee and a six digit number. While he made himself comfortable she rotated 70 degrees to her right and said, 'You look familiar, didn't you used to be on the DC10 in Minneapolis?'
'Yes Miss, Cinnamon is it...?'
'Shannon McKee, Fargo, I am on Flight 45 to Mecca, how ‘bout you?'
'Well, how ‘bout me. I love cinnamon. I used to fly the DC10 from Minny until I got too vocal about 9/11 and some weasels at USDOJ put pressure on some weasels at the company to try and silence me. Have you seen my movie, Captain Sherlock?' responded the man in the pink shirt.
'No, as a matter of fact. I'd love to see it, have you seen anything worthwhile lately?' she responded.
'Well, I got a flash of cinnamon that I enjoyed immensely, and I see in the Fargo Forum that the New York cross dresser was not allowed to speak to the good people of the Red River Valley. It seems that next year's election will include many perverts that have never campaigned at that level before; a cross dresser, a gay, a bisexual or Lesbian, a treasonous traitor, and a bisexual man-hater’s lap dog who was a mentor in a diversity program designed to ‘rub raw the sores of discontent’. While there are 3 good candidates, they will be ignored by the media, or have their houses burned by HUBZone arse-on-al-ists trying to make the world look hot as we go into the next Ice Age. This I swear, or my name is not Jumping Jack Flash' opined the man of few words but multiple personalities.
'Jack, nice to meet you, I am Shannon' and she extended her right hand to his again giving him a clear view of the cinnamon bun target area [CBTA].
'I'm sorry Shannon, I was being sarcastic, my real name is Rich McHogeny, nice to meet you. You look very familiar, perhaps we have met somewhere before.'
'Yes, I can't fight this feeling that our paths have crossed.'
Pulling out a frosty GWB from his 2006 model Indian tote from Mumbai, he got several disapproving looks from pilots who still placed their hopes in ALPA, not realizing the truth nor having enough balls to handle it. A 60+ overweight lady with a severe look came back and asked Rich if he were an employee, in reference to the beer on the bus.
'Yes I am, here's my employee ID' as he presented his photo ID from the US Marshal Service, Badge Number 69, Sam McCloud, Taos, New Mexico.
'Sorry Dennis, I thought you were a pilot' admitted the hostile Cobra airlines veteran who was all ready to strike.
'No problem Miss, but it is Sam McCloud, Dennis Weaver was the actor who played my part after the longest running western in history, Gunsmoke, became history. Please study your lines if you want a part in the Hollywood movie the rights to which will be sold next year, perhaps in August, 2008.'
'A movie, what part could I play, a sex siren, a purser, a...'
'I believe in truthful casting, I would suggest you play a 'heavy'' was the comment from central casting that sent Miss Widebody back to her throne at the front of the bus. Draining his GWB, Chips got a third flash of Cinnamon as the bus arrived at the KLM employee entrance and the two crews and a tag along gathered their luggage.
'See you on board, Miss McKee' said our man Captain Rich, pointing to a man in blue chrome sunglasses and a dog, a shepherd-wolf cross. As Shannon went up the incline Chips thought of offering her a scotch and sofa to see if she'd recline. As she went into KLM Ops she was whistling 'Love is a Long and Slender Thing', at least she thought that was the name of the 1955 hit by the Four Aces. Walking away, Chips whistled 'Love is a Many Splendored Thing' and wondered if the remake or sequel would be 'Love is a Multi-colored Thong' to reflect the moral decline and fixation on sex that has allowed the Democrats to take out Spitzer while the Republicans took out Barney. I'm sure the USDOJ and FBI could get to the bottom of both crimes if it was not for the playoff picture pitting the Giants against the Pats in week 16. Weak 16 sounded like the Supreme Court with 7 spares.
As Captain Rich followed Homi and Duke, Caffrey had cleared check-in and the briefing and had circled back to duty free to get Chips a bottle of Famous Grouse. She also bought a gift set of multi-color thongs, noticing the European models were even smaller then the ones at De Lendrecies in the West Acres Mall. She imagined that Chips would prefer either the Fuscia or Crystal Blue Persuasion, which made her wonder if Tommy James and the Shondells had a trademark extending to thong colors in Holland. She made a mental note to buy a Tommy James CD. Thinking back to the 60's she noticed two of the other thongs were Crystal and Clover and her mind envisioned a little Hanky Panky as soon as they could 'Think We're Alone Now'. She thought it was a pity that Mony, Mony couldn't be morphed into a thong color then – footstomper – it came to her. Change the spelling to 'Moany, Moany' and we're off to the races. Now, at least in her mind, howling like Maria Muldaur in 'Midnight at the Oasis' Caffrey walked past the Duty Free grocery store where she knew Chips would have visited if he didn't have to check the boarding of the BDD11 with Homi and Duke.
Boarding through door 2L at Gate E6, Caffrey placed her bag in her favorite spot. Although she was working the center section, she went up to 2B to see if Mrs. David Hunter might be riding. Though the passengers were not yet loading due to the security check of the interior of the aircraft, she knew that the list of Business Class passengers would be on the SPIL. Looking at 2B she saw that Mrs. Hunter had been scratched and that an off-line non-rev pilot, a Captain Rich McHogeny, had been penciled in with a date of hire of 2 November, 1978. It appeared that though the cheap seats were full, three Business Coach seats were vacant, including 2A, at least according to the SPIL. Leaving the forward galley, Caffrey went back to check her equipment; Captain Rich in 2B was also checking her equipment and approving of what he observed. He put down his international copy of USA Today dated 12-17-07 upon which Giuliani to end his campaign soon was a minor headline.
'Excuse me Captain Rich, but may I borrow your paper, I see that the New York Cross Dresser is set to end his campaign.'
'Actually Ms. McKee,' offered Captain Rich, handing her the paper 'he has no choice. On 11-8-07 the ND Democratic Party was advised in writing the he was a defendant on Civil Case 3:07-cv-49 [ Hawks CAFE v. Global Guardians ] and when the ND Dems shared that message with the national Dems and Mr. Dean, by 11-14-07 Rudy Toot was told not to blow his horn in Fargo, and after his St Louis heart throb he was pretty much dead in the water' as Rich thought back to Chappaquiddick.
'I guess Jimmy Dean must have taken the letter seriously and moved dramatically to take out the 'NYFD's best friend' responded Cinammon Girl.
'Actually, not to redress you, but Jimmy Dean is the Pork King and Howard Dean is 'Mr. Calm' at the head of the Democratic Party' inserted Rich thinking richly of something he'd rather insert.
'Well, I stand redressed and thank you for your correction' teased the radiant red-head turning to go with the paper.
'I'd prefer it if you stood undressed and thanked me for my erection' offered the master Sudoku artist who was going to have a tough time getting into the Soduku puzzle after getting 3 shots of cinnamon.
Ten minutes later the paper was dropped in his lap and inside the rolled front section were a pair of frosty Heinekens. Caffrey also left a yellow duty free bag with some cheese, some stropwafels and a 14 inch salami. 'The cheese and stropwafels are for you, Captain Rich' cooed the slave of the mid-galley as she looked forward to some undercover work; all in the interest of US national sovereignty and world-class piece; oops, typo, that should say world peace. Cracking his first beer, Chips heard the PA annunciate 'Boarding' and watched 295 tired owners of maxed-out credit cards jockeying for position in a mad rush to find their seats before the 8 hour plus trip back to Moscow on the Mississippi. Looking across to seat 2J Chips saw a 64 year old Jewish grandmother had somehow gotten one of the 3 available Business Class seats. As he considered the world's problems he saw a corpulent short balding Captain ambulate toward the cock-pit. He noticed the ALPA-PAC sticker with 5 chevrons and the 9/11 decal touting 'Qualified to Fly; Qualified to Defend' and he put his head in his hands thinking, 'these bonehead redbookers would probably support Bobby Stirgell for FAA leadership, after all they watched Worthless and the Platters gut ALPA from the inside out. What a bunch of candyasses', thought our man Chips, cracking the second Heiny while thinking of another hiney he'd prefer to be cracking. From 2J Dancer gave an approving look to the crack pilot in 2B. Captain Rich could feel the parking brake being set and shortly thereafter the lifting of the nose gear by the tug driver and he knew push back was imminent.
Back in the mid-galley, a redhead was wishing push-up was imminent. While the A330-300 went backwards Chips’ mind was going forward. He was wondering if his family and church friends were stressed at having to prepare a funeral on short notice. He wondered if his son Stone Kohl would think it creepy having to drive the hearse at his father’s funeral and speaking of creepy, he wondered how much of John Doe had been rat-chow during the last six hours. Homi said his relative Muhammed Haneef had told him an average rat could eat half its body weight every 24 hours. If this was true of wharf rats our 190 pound, Doe should be about one half consumed he figured, looking at his Wal-Mart and doing the math in his head. Coming back to reality, he saw he was getting a scowl from the Purser who did not think it funny that he had an open container during push back and what was now becoming the taxi phase of the operation. As she came to take the now empty container she gave him a look that made him wonder if they’d ever been married. It appeared they were taxiing an awfully long distance, perhaps to 36L the far western runway that had been added to the main complex to support increased traffic at Europe’s premiere airport. Shannon must have also felt compassion for Chips as she walked by and dropped a 2 quart urostomy bag on his lap. At first Chips thought it was a practical joke until he noticed the bag was chilled and felt like approximately 36 degrees Fahrenheit. He noticed about 30 inches of neoprene rubber tubing like the fuel lines for model airplanes. Next he noticed the chilled liquid had a golden crown and frothy cap. Placing the open end of the tube in the left corner of his mouth he withdrew a sample of the contents and he couldn't believe his taste buds......Caffrey's. Only one bar in Amsterdam serves Caffrey's and somehow, someway Shannon had gotten a two quart sample. What a novel package too. So as to avoid the scowl of the 42 year employee on the forward jump seat, he turned his head to the left as the two power levers were advanced to the climb, max continuous, and then TOGA detents. He thought it odd that the crew would be using Take Off Go Around power on such a long runway until he looked north and west of Schiphol; there seemed to be some unsettled clouds rolling in from the sea and perhaps the front end crew was hoping to top the clouds and avoid an uncomfortable ride. At 10,000 feet the chime sounded and the Purser read the announcement about electronic equipment being okay except for cel phones, electric boning knives and vibrators. He sucked up the last drops of beer and adjusted himself for operation 'Warm Refill' knowing the battle axe would be in his area soon. Chips thought back to military jet pilot relief tubes and 'piddle packs' and wished he could shake off the last few drips as men always did in the movie scenes and generally did elsewhere as well.
'Excuse me Mr. McHogeny, but that isn't beer in that plastic bag is it?' inquired Phyllis Diller's uglier and less cordial look-alike.
'Oh no mam, it's a fact of life for me. Old war wound, I lost control of my bladder due to an unlucky shot from a NVN troop back at Pleiku', responded Chips who was actually a freshman in college when Pleiku was 'hot'.
'I'll be the judge of that, Mr. Weisenheimer' she said as she grabbed the bag and pulled it towards her matronly 220# body similar to Fred Flintstone's. Unfortunately for Connie Curmudgeon the 30 inch hose was not sufficient to reach from her hands to Captain Rich McHogheny's urethra and so the open end of the hose leaked on him and the floor before she figured out to whether to lower the bag, raise the hose, both, or plug the hose. Feeling the warm flow she realized that this was warmer than European room temperature beer and she made a note not to harass the passenger in 2B anymore. From her mid galley post Shannon McKee strode confidently up to the purser but Chips cautioned her with his eyes and a quick nod of his head, left to right. After Connie C. came back from disposing of the urostomy bag and washing her hands Shannon shared with the Purser that the gentleman in 2B was also suffering from food poisoning due to some bad chicken curry and so if he became methane incontinent she should be sensitive to his reduced capacities to contain due to war wounds. When Connie realized what methane incontinent indicated she told the pretty young flight attendant working the right aisle that they would have to swap, for security reasons. It was an upgrade, from Chips' point of view.
After the sumptuous repast and just before the movies became enabled Dancer waltzed over to 2B and took the open seat next to Chips.
'Got a Clipper from Amelia in the boarding area. All set for the funeral, she mentioned Dirtball had called with a slight change, Hornet's helo from the Park Service would drop her at the A319 at the USCG transient ramp at 0645 for a 0650 door closed and 0700 blastoff with 3 codes, same codes. Amelia said you'd know what that means. Due to the 3 codes the call sign would be NODAK 01 if the mission didn't get adjusted. Amelia said another JPATS jet was coming up from OK City to conference with Dirt Ball and Bambi regarding some nocturnal training missions flown at Mesa in 2000 and up until June of 2001. The Captain flying Justice 75 from Oklahoma to Fargo and then out to Mesa apparently was with you and Dirtball at NAS Chase Field in 1975 before going to Braniff Airlines on the 727.'
'Amelia also said that herself, myself, Dirtball and Bambi would be staying at the Hotel Donaldson with Hamish. Diehard was going to be doing some night vision work with Rimshot and Gravedigger at the pig farm and so he couldn't attend the funeral, however he did send a sympathetic ‘Uggghhhh’. By the way, did Homi and Duke get on?'
'No, they are riding below in the cargo bin, I will explain in a minute, I was expecting Amelia to include some political commentary, anything of that nature get mentioned on the quick clipper?' asked Chips, accepting a frosty Heineken from Cinnamon Girl.
'Yes, she said that it appeared that Condit at Boeing had a plant at the Diversity Department of S&A, a former law clerk for Judge Weedoff of the Bankruptcy Court. Apparently someone at S&A had created some heartburn for Weedoff and now Condit and Weedoff were going to extract a little payback, I don't know the target but I do know Countrywide holds the paper, Sidley ran the escrow and Rezko sold the property. Sounds like a case of Arkancide, fratricide or heterocide because the chatter at the water cooler in Suite 450 was that by about 1 July next year the Governor of New York would be stung by the Dems, the queen of malicious would suspend her campaign, the death of a newsman would shock Washington and they would frame and then Arkancide a patsy for the anthrax letters containing the Bombardier-Degussa sabotage spore powder embedded with shit stolen from Plum Island by the HUBZone security guys. Now this was just water color talk in Suite 450 but the ceiling fan in the Otis elevator recorded similar drumbeats. It appears that the Election of 2008 could lose the last 3 original two-party candidates by 4 September. Water cooler buzz has the Great Suspender out in June, 2008, B Hussein O out during the Democratic National Convention, and a Raytheon payback tribute to arrive at the Target [dead] Center on 4 September; he who lives by the Sky Warrior can die by the Sky Warrior. Now what about Homi and Duke?'
'Well with 45 minutes to go prior to pushback the flight was still showing full so Duke and Homi are in a BDD11 with the false floor dropped. They had 4 bags of beef jerky and some water bottles. They also had a small light so they wouldn't get spooked. A friend, Jeff Johnson, is poised to spring them in Minneapolis if there is space aboard the Fargo flight, otherwise he will give them a potty break, more jerky and water, and then close ‘em up for the ride to Fargo.'
'Well, I better go take a nap Chips, this global warming in Switzerland has given me an upper respiratory infection and I need some liquids and a nap'.
At that point Caffrey was walking by, heard the comment and suggested 'And I could use some liquids and a lack of nap' as she handed him 3 more Heinekens and a pillow. Chips smiled, reclined his seat back and worked on the trio while Dancer returned to 2J while the big Airbus adjusted course slightly to the left passing just south of Keflavik, Iceland. Dancer being on the right side could see the land mass of Iceland some 70 miles north. Over in 2B eyes were closed and a dream was beginning with the waving of a cinnamon colored surrender flag. In his mind Chips was dictating the terms of the surrender, all of which the soon-to-be-conquered laid down and took.
Five hours later Cinnamon Girl and Captain America were still in mental autothrust as the wheels rolled onto runway 30L at KMSP and the reversers slowed the big jet to taxi speed. When the 330 pulled up to Gate G6, he noticed Jeff Johnson waving from the ramp. Jeff made an OK gesture so Chips knew that a Blind Judge and a seeing-eye wolf dog would be joining the funeral party when they headed up to Fargo and the Hotel Donaldson. Egressing the jet from door 1L, he read the note that Shannon had left while he slept. 'Fargo's at C6, see you there, Dancer's with me, Cinnamon'.
After Chips had taken his bag onto the jetway at Gate 6, Jeff Johnson met him and handed him a 'deceased escort' pass then led him down to the cargo tug with just one cart behind it. Chips' noted the two BDD11s were stowed and Jeff placed the tug in gear and drove around to C6 where an A319 lay waiting with its cargo doors open. Jeff directed the offloading of 'Rat Pack One' and then as it went up the belt loader to the forward baggage compartment he and Chips went to a secure area under the D 'pod' and released Homi and Duke. Homi took a leak in a 55 gallon drum while Duke hiked his leg just outside on the ramp. Jeff reached into the QinetiQ BDD11 and got the guide dog harness, white cane and dark glasses. Jeff hung a 'deceased escort' ramp ID on 'the Judge' while the three men and a dog walked over to C6 and checked for Rat Pack One then ascended the ladder to the Jetway whereupon Jeff J took the 'deceased escort' security passes and gave Chips a boarding pass to 2B while the Judge and Duke were placed in 2C and 2D.
Because the crew was not there yet, they all agreed it would be best to wait in the boarding area. The agent at C6 would have been surprised to see them if Jeff J had not 'swiped' their boarding passes prior to their arrival. While Jeff bid bon voyage, Duke and the Judge sat down and Chips left for the mezzanine where he wanted to deposit what little remained of Jagdish Mallya's 'bad chicken' curry. Assuming the position in the Larry Craig memorial pooper, Chips felt rather than heard his Clipper squirt gun go off. Reading the LED he saw it was Hamish.
'Hamish, Chips, make it brief, I am building an underwater statue of Judge Weedoff' commented Chips, firing round one of a six round salvo.
'Splendid, I just arrived on 1767 from Vancouver, we are at D6, shall I wait here or meet you somewhere?' asked the rightful owner of the top job at Schlumberger while plotted his chess move to block Janie Gorillick's assault on the Attorney General's job. He intended to use a little known chess move known simply as the Amelia Queen Rook.
'Hamish, go towards terminal, turn left, go to Gate C6 and look for a blind judge and a dog named Duke, Capeche?'
'Yes Chips I have it, see you there' and, hearing the courtesy flush, Hamish thought what good manners the recently deceased Chips always displays.
Finishing his statue with another 5 round salvo, Chips turned to go but before he could deep six the underwater statue he heard his name paged by the airport voice with the monotonous tone 'Captain McHogeny, Captain Rich McHogeny, please pick up the white courtesy phone'.
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Finally pulling the handle to flush the Van Gogh on its way he commented 'That is some rich mahogany indeed' as he confidently exited the Larry Craig stall amid grown men holding their breath. With an apologetic 'Sorry gents, some bad chicken I reckon', Chips exited stage right and headed for C6. Proceeding through the Mezzanine, he heard a grand piano playing and found Stephen Marq at the same place he been for the last 7 or 8 Christmas seasons. Stephen acknowledged him as he hurried past.
Arriving at gate area, he found Hamish and Duke talking to Homi and he joined the group. As he sat down his cell phone ending in 4500 took a message from Dancer 'stand by for a flash Clipper from Hornet'. Chips had a worried look on his face as Hamish and Homi could clearly see. At that moment a flash Clipper from Amelia – or a leaking Sister Cain – lit up the Clippers of Dancer, Hamish, Homi, Chips and Caffrey. 'Flash, execute Boulger Bravo, Customs is shutting down MSP in 5 minutes with a dragnet, repeat execute Bravo B, Amelia out. Chips immediately raced to the elevator, went to the lower level and passed the TSA representative at the old Republic employee bus stop. He flashed his US Marshall Service ID and sprinted to a taxi driven by a Somalian. He handed the driver a hundred dollar bill and said, Thunderbird Hotel, immediately. Even though the Somalian was nowhere near next for a fare he sensed the urgency and floored it. As the Taxi reached the old Post office facility barricades were just being erected and patrol cars, light flashing set road blocks, in and out. West on 494 to the Mall of America Ramp and there at the crossover was a 1996 Fleetwood Limo with trunk open.
'Stop please' urged Chips as he handed another $100 bill to the refugee getaway driver and leaving the left rear of the taxi he checked both ways before crossing the median, closing the trunk and jumping in the back of the limo.
Positioning two American flags in the window, Chips moved forward to the rear facing center seat and said 'nice work Stone, put it right on the speed limit and don't stop ‘til the Clearwater truck stop. Let's get out of here quickly. By the way, I didn't check the license plates, what are we sporting?' asked his father as Stone Kohl headed west on 494.
'I put the Diplomatic plates on dad, Republic of Kazakhstan; here's a treat from the secret stash.'
With Chips trying to relax over a Grolsch Wide Body, Stone drove at a steady 70 mph.
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Just past Annandale, Stone said 'Oh shit' and Chips looked behind the limo at a group of approximately 5 emergency vehicles all traveling 85 plus mph in apparent pursuit of the Limo.
Chips drank a little faster.
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