Chapter 4
Chapter 4: Chips and Caffrey Plan a Funeral
Identity theft – Two circle fighting – Salvation Army Escape Kitchen
For early character development, see http://www.usdoj.gr/ebook/
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David Hunter flips into a Chips character while Shannon McKee becomes ‘Caffrey’; the two sleuths have to engage in global identity thefts and even a mock funeral in response to clippered warnings from Hamish and Sister Amelia. Turns out some of their 9/11 ‘friends’ have tipped off Sidley Austin’s lesbian shadows and the electronic trackers, hubbed through Iridium and Motorola to Suite 450. Bruce McConnell - Brucey Baby - is desperate to stop David explaining ‘al-Qaeda’ links to corruption of the U.S. Marshals Service and the Murrah Building bombing of 1995. Con Air contract hit teams – call sign JUSTICE – begin to hunt. Amelia warning alerts Chips to a set-up; a shooter inside Ho Dos – Hotel Donaldson – Fargo. Chips eludes with the help of a Salvation Army mobile escape kitchen. When his Roadmaster rolls up to his home, dogs greet Captain David Hunter with a welcoming sniff not knowing it would be their last time. The next time this smell would arrive in their driveway would be the evening of 17 December, 2007, and it would be Captain Rich McHogeny. At least according to the Boulger Funeral Home’s public announcement.
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It was still dark outside when the cel phone ending in 4500 went off in room 1001A where Caffrey had hosted a mysterious – to some – overnight guest. After Chips had managed to find the offending cel phone and push the snooze feature, the more lucid redhead asked, “Why was your alarm set for 0500; we don’t get taken to the airport until 0700?”
Chips cancelled the snooze, turned off the alarm and responded with a rhetorical flourish, “After the hot tub last night you gave me two more tins of Smoked Oysters and I thought if we got up an hour early we could have an Oyster transfer before we head out to the airport; are you up for that?” At the end of his flourish, he did a quick status check for any items of clothing and came up negative, which is positive from his perspective.
“Actually, that should be my question to you, but judging from the protuberance making this satin sheet look like a pup tent I have the answer to my own question” cooed the Red Head to die for. It was a good thing that when he got up in the wee hours to wee, he had also popped in two Rodney Baldinger EOPs and with only an hour of security briefing time, there wasn’t any spare time to do a full alignment of the purple tipped red champion.
After the flying cowboy had jumped back in the saddle, his saddle mate whispered “Let’r buck”; and soon a synchronization was achieved which sent Maria Muldaur’s moaning all the way over into 1001B, as well as directly below in 9001. Fortunately there was not enough time to do a full blown enduro as that would have caused Maria’s moaning to alert even Room 604 that there was a very synergistic security briefing taking place, four floors up, involving a “belly dancer and a sheikh”; code name Cameltoe.
As they passed in the bathroom of 1001A, Chips said, “I warmed the shower up for you and I will take my robe and go to the other side and give you some space” indicating that he would return to his own half of the spacious suite. Removing his robe once again, she took his hand and led him into the shower whereupon he received Intel updates through his down spout or Intel downloads through her upstrokes or something like that.
“Actually, I went over to 1001B to get you some more EOPs and there was a tie hanging from the doorknob while your shaving kit, suitcase and an inflatable sheep were stacked neatly outside the door with a hand written note “no knocking when van’s a’rockin’” so I guess we will have to make the best of a bad situation as she bent over to pick up the soap that Chips had dropped. “By the way, what is the inflatable sheep for Chips?” she queried, realizing her folly in bending over to pick up the soap.
“I like wooly things” came the laconic response from Captain Derrick Pumper.
At 0650 Chips let himself out of 1001B with his Jet-Eze bag and went to the lobby to have an Intel briefing with Jagdish, Vijay or their counterpart. As he mentioned that 1001B might need a late checkout, Vijay handed him a note from Hamish which read, “Sorry about the tie on the door, I got into a security briefing last night that spilled over from the Foggy Dew to your room. Stone had given me the key, along with your AX card and the promise that your room would certainly be empty. After you went to help Shannon with her health issue a crew from Olympic Airlines came into the Foggy Dew and someone’s older sister was the Purser on the crew. Your AX card is in your shaving kit and Stone said to let you know the damage was only $300 or so. He also said thanks. He is in 604 with Diehard but I wouldn’t wake them, they got into shooters after the Olympic crew showed up. Ooommmpah! Have a nice trip, clipper me anytime after 12 noon BC time. Hamish.”
After Chips had ordered two jumbo coffees with a shot of espresso in each, his radiant travel companion egressed from the Gorley-rigged Otis Elevator looking fresh as a daisy. As she dropped the key to 1001A, Vijay pointed towards Chips and also Naneef, who patiently awaited them in the stretch Lincoln. Handing her the “Depth Charges”, Chips took her rollaboard to the open trunk and greeted Naneef, “What a pleasant surprise Naneef, could you drop us at the international departure gate please” as Naneef held open the right rear door so the divine Ms. McKee could slip into the back seat. The ever observant Captain Jet Lag noticed a flash of chartreuse that he’d like to be slipping into, later. While the periscope was thinking about that, Naneef held up a “Vancouver Airport Police Gate Pass” and responded, “Your son gave me instructions to get you right out to the aircraft this morning, something about the security people not understanding the sheep in your bag” as he closed the door securely.
“I love chartreuse” whispered Captain Eveready as Caffrey handed him a pair of RB EOPs.
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“And I love it when Pinocchio lies to me” came the encouraging response as Naneef drove away from the Best Western Richmond, turning right at the Foggy Dew and taking the back way to the airport. Fifteen minutes later the Limo driver handed the pass to the rent-a-cop at the “Service Vehicles Only” gate by the domestic gates of the airport. When they pulled up next to the Jet Way ladder, Captain Eyeball noticed the registration of the Airbus A319 they would be boarding, N3113BS, indicating this was the 13th A319 in the Blue Skies Fleet. Caffrey noticed the focus on the tail number and tried to break his focus with a flash of chartreuse, a tactic that worked admirably to re-cage his focus on something more pleasant that a tail number; a tail.
As Naneef and Chips carried the bags up the steps to the jet-way, Caffrey led the way and Chips kept his focus. At the top of the steps Chips held the jetway door open for Ms. McKee and turned to thank Haneef for the professional courtesies. He also handed Haneef a green and white photo of Ben Franklin. Caffrey offered her thanks as well and with the two sleuths heading for the forward left boarding door, the Lincoln stretch slithered away from the Jetway and back to the “Service Vehicles Only” gate.
Noting that the aircraft had been cleaned and catered, Shannon pointed to the overhead bin above seat 2B and told Chips to place his bag there. As she went back to row 5 she was just opening the overhead bin when Chips joined her and lifted her bag, considerably lighter than his, into the overhead so that Caffrey could conserve her energy for something more pleasant. Awaiting the arrival of the common crew they sat in 2B and 2C and took out their clipper deals, knowing that their “liability period” was from 0745-0815. At 0745 precisely both clippers went off, suggesting it must be something big if they hit the “all call” by the very first minute of the LP. While Chips answered he ensured Caffrey’s was set to 2RT, which it had been set to.
“Chips and Caffrey, Foggy Dew-Kraz” came the answer from 2B.
“Amelia at the Nest, Dancer listening, Diehard listening, unable Hamish, go ahead” came the intro from BS [ big sister ].
“Roger the missing Hamish, he is in a sensitive briefing with Greek Intel now at the Richmond Hotel, Stone Kohl can answer for Hamish and Diehard if necessary, what’s stirred up at the Hornet’s Nest this early?”
“This needs to be short and vague but in a nutshell. Sidley has a “hit” on you Chips, code name “Chick did Dix”; the hit is set for 22 December at the Hotel Donaldson. It appears 2-3 of your cooperators from 2001 have changed teams. Not sure yet, but don’t expect Nano, Fox or Marquiz to show at your funeral, savvy? The view from Suite 450 is that Con Air can’t stand the heat, so Chips gets the ICE. Also Bravo Mike, the cyber guy for 3 recent President’s doesn’t want you doing anymore talking on Badnarik’s show or the show in Utah with the deranged foil. COUNTRYWIDE and Arkancide rhyme, and there is a reason, how copy?”
“Got a five by five, all understood, too bad Chix that did Dix can’t move faster, the hit is scheduled 3 days after my funeral. I will copy this to George O’Reilly who tells me you need to meet him at the southwest corner of Reagan’s tarmac at 0650, next Wednesday the 19th. Please don’t be late for my funeral, Chips out.” As three shaloms and an “altoid” were heard by all parties, the clippers were retired at 0751.
“Chips, sorry you are going to die again. Last night when you died those 3 extend-o-peters and the Smoked Oysters gave you new life, shall I attend your funeral?”
“No need my Abel-Aviatrix, what my sister conveyed was Sidley-Austin Law Firm wants me dead, that a Lin Dorn is the contractor of the hit and that they expect me to attend my Friday evening martini habit at HoDos. Apparently 3 former friends have jumped ship and perhaps are involved on the other side, we shall see. Apparently Con Air is not amused that they have been hacked and to conceal their role in 9/11 they need me and the 5 principals at our Abel Danger team to “go silent”. The buffoon that set up the encryption for 3 President’s still doesn’t know he’s been backdoored better than Jim Morrison could have dreamed of and that the Countrywide meltdown will spread to Europe and the Rothy’s and the Rocky’s will start infighting, as will KBR-Halliburton, Rose Law and Sidley. I know that’s a lot to choke down, but there’s the plain language.”
“Chips, as you aware I can choke down quite a lot, and I am picking up what you’re laying down and laying down for your picking up. What do you see transpiring in light of the contract on your life?” asked the deep state asset in her red-headed cover costume.
“Anticipating this due to a wire in Suite 450 I can assure you that this morning on the Badnarik radio show, Hamish explained that I had predicted my untimely demise. Further on Friday Hamish will be on the Utah radio show connected to CNN and the agencies and he will announce my funeral is set for 12/19/07. I normally appear on the radio with Hamish but on that day I will be on Flight 46 to Amsterdam to meet with “Grand Tetons” on the 15h and yourself on the 16th, before return to CONUS on Flight 45 on the 17th. Of course I will be traveling with my Aruba Passport as Captain Rich McHogeny as Captain David Hunter will have died while involved in cardiopulmonary exercise with a svelte red head who has flown Beech King Airs but not N6308F. By the way, do you know the Purser on Flight 45/17th?”
Referring to her log book and December flying summary, Caffrey nodded, “Yes and you are in luck, it is Carla M. the friend of Holly B’s whose hood you rode on outside Chichis in Eagan in 1978; she will get you 2B if that’s what your thinking, but on the other hand I see from a quick lap check that you are thinking of some else altogether” whereupon she moaned, wishing they were back in 1001A.
Consider it “rigor mortis in advance” Chips riposted, and then they focused on the arrival down the jetway of the common crew, heralded by the laughter of a large man. At that moment “Captain Salad Bar” strode into the forward galley followed by the 3 common crew FA’s, one of which was Colleen whose sister is Fargo’s Jeanie H.
“Well bless my lucky stars David, we heard you were crazy and retired, what gives?” thundered the only living pilot to top 300 pounds on salad alone.
“I do” came the predictable response from Caffrey, “Shannon McKee, I am your ‘add’ Captain Salad Bar. Like David, I am from Fargo” and Shannon shook hands with Bruce, aka Salad Bar.
“By the way Mr. 9/11, how did you get out to the aircraft ahead of us?” smiled the Salad Bar refugee, knowing he was about to be delivered a raft of BS.
“Bruce, since February of 1967 I have been involved in some Intel work, initially with the Air Force, then Navy, then Marine Corps, then Air National Guard but presently I am working with a small team. We lost several of our best on 9/11 but we are still busy and still gaining on the bad-guys. To answer the security question, he held up a leather case with a badge ending in “NI” and handed Bruce a jump seat slip indicating he was an online XCM, not a retired BS pilot. “Nice jump seat slip David, do you have a photo ID?”
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Chips reached into his leather carryon that he purchased at the Oberoi Hotel in Mumbai in September, 2005 and sorted through the 8 or ten airline photo Ids. Salad bar compared the XCM slip to the photo ID and saw “Captain Rich McHogeny, Blue Skies International Captain, DOH 2 Nov 78 and employee number 175434.
Smiling what someone less polite than this author would call a “shit-eating grin”, Brucey Baby handed back the documents with, “You do nice work, Captain McHogeny”.
“Please just call me Rich,” responded David humbly. “Say, I know that I am supposed to ride in the cockpit, but I had 4 onion burritos for dinner last night and about 8 pints of
Caffrey’s so if you don’t mind maybe Colleen would have room for me in the cabin” as he offered his right pinky finger from Bruce to pull. However, Bruce remembered the time that David pulled the same stunt in the Otis elevator at the Sioux Falls Holiday Inn so he immediately turned to Colleen and asked if Captain Hunter could join her in the cabin.
“I want him in 2B where I can keep my eye on him, and Shannon would you join me on the forward jump seat. Bruce, if he tries to get anyone to pull his finger I am forcing him back up to the cockpit where at least you and Bravo have oxygen masks” came the somewhat convoluted answer from Colleen.
“Did someone mention my name?” queried David T. Smith as he sauntered aboard the A319 with the smell of de-icing fluids coming from his $12 dollar Wal-Mart loafers protected by two size 12 black rubber prophylactics. “Alpha, I thought you were deemed crazy and retired?” blurted Bravo, harking back to better days at Blue Skies before the corrupt bankrupting of Blue Skies, USAir, United and Delta were slid thru a greased up USDOJ and the Lizard Woman’s hedge fund in Chicago where the airlines greased the Judges while the employees were greased with Vaseline. However, the pen is mightier than the sword, or gavel, and He who Greases last, Greases best.
“Bravo, when you are up there doing that pilot-shit, please shoot me a photo of the registration and debt document on this jet, N3113BS, as the real 3113 was destroyed at LaGuardia after some mechanics found out what TOGA stands for, and also got a lesson in “spool-up/spool down”. [ note from author, I’d like to explain but then the CEOs and the USDOJ would probably also understand it, sorry ]. Here is my super sleuth digi-cam so if you get a chance, please snap my brownie” as Caffrey dreamed of snapping on his purple.
As the cabin safety checks were completed Bravo returned with the digi-cam and a sheet out of the logbook. Salad Bar and Bravo then retreated behind their $100,000 bullet proof door so that nobody would be an eyewitness to their lack of cockpit prep knowing fully well “if it flew in, it can fly out” and “if there are no amber or red lights and no aural warnings on an Airbus, it’s good to go”.
(Seems like Airbus thought of most everything when they helped France and Canada in the illegal modifications of Boeing airliners that would be deployed on 9-11-01, 1-1-07, and 5-5-07. Everything perhaps except the mole inside the Hornet’s Nest, the radioman at Bay Systems Technologies, and the Cameraman at Gore Aircraft Mods in Texas. Don’t mess with Texas. Especially if you work for French PFers.)
As the 9 Business coach and 107 coach passengers were getting uncomfortable in their seats, Caffrey walked by 2B and handed a cold barley pop to Captain Eveready. He looked at his watch, noticing 0844 and commented “in sixteen minutes it will be Five O’Clock in Keflavik, Iceland. If you’ve never been, perhaps we could stop by when returning from Europe sometime?” suggested the ever suggestive Captain Neverfly.
“Do they have hot tubs in Iceland?” asked the retreating Caffrey as she was observed to have no VPLs, once again putting chartreuse on the front burner of David’s mental oven.
As the gate agent delivered the final papers, David’s clipper squirt gun went off and after putting on his reading glasses he noticed the incoming call was from George O’Reilly, so he selected 2TM and read “Have your friends at DoD and FAA facilitate a direct flight from DCA to FAR departing R36/DCA at 0700/19Dec07 eta FAR 0855, call sign Justice 10KM, A319, how copy over?”
While Colleen the Purser was making the announcement regarding cel phones, David was texting back over his clipper deal “Charlie, it’s done, a blue “follow me” will await you at the first left turnoff, follow it to the Hooligans and look for a black 96 Fleetwood, with a Corvette engine.”
As GOR signaled receipt, David put his clipper away, however it was not turned off.
And neither was he, as he got a quick peek of chartreuse sent from the forward jump seat.
After doing 3 sudokus, 4 barley pops and checking his eyelids for leaks, David heard the sound of the CFM engines going to full power and realized Salad Bar and Bravo failed to arm the approach. With Bravo deftly covering for this common gaff, the A319 rolled onto runway 30R and went to Gate D5. David waited to be the last “passenger” off the jet and after saying goodbye to Salad Bar and Bravo, David and Shannon headed out into the D concourse and walked by the Bar on the left, opposite the “facilities”.
“David, since you are in street clothes how about you finding two good stools and give me 5 minutes to get out of my monkey suit, the flight to Fargo is also at D5 and doesn’t leave for another 90 minutes.”
“Your wish is my pleasure, see you in 5 or 10, I will be on the southeast corner of the bar so we are less visible but D5 is clearly visible to us” spoke the laconic Captain Silent as he quietly made his way to the targeted stools and ordered 2 monster Black and Tans, one with a Claussen Kosher spear. Moments later a refreshed and re-clad redhead joined him at the prebriefed stool location [ PSL ] and noticing the differential B&Ts commented “How come one has a spear and the other has no spear?” Happy she bit on the chaff he responded, “The Claussen spear is for me, and I have another spear for you Caffrey”, came the response from Captain Cucumber-spear.
As she reached over and grabbed the Claussen, she replied “I will take them both, and enjoy them both I might add” as she adjusted her spear catcher and smiled. David thought of chartreuse and moisture as his clipper squirt gun put his mind back on the mission.
“Chips on, go ahead Hamish” responded the refocused Abel Danger asset looking at the assets of another Abel Danger “unit”.
“Sorry I missed you Chips, you may be aware but Stone gave me the key to 1001B as last night a new asset, Raven, needed to exchange some things with me….” to which Chips interrupted “I certainly hope it was Intel and not heavenly bodily fluids such as those described in Peter Seller’s flick “Dr. Strangelove”.
“Well, perhaps a little of both, but Raven is concerned regarding her sister, and she mentioned that Marquis DC was leading Fox astray, perhaps.”
“Perhaps Fox is just playing along; we will know if she reports in or remains silent. No big deal either way, what’s on your mind, Professor?”
“I am up to date on Amelia’s clipper as are Diehard and Stone. Regarding the funeral being planned is it your wish that I attend?”
“No Hamish, it is my wish you stay in the harness in Vancouver and stay clippered up with Dancer and Amelia. If you come to Fargo you might get ICED and then the other four principles would have to press on with neither your nor I. George O’Reilly is bringing Amelia and Katie Mae to the service, Stone is driving the hearse to the Fargo Airport and Dancer is helping with enroute communications while my body is shipped as human remains on board Blue Skies Flight 676 from Fargo thru Minny to DCA. I anticipate that an extra passenger aboard JUSTICE 10KM will not be noticed and that that party will continue on to Amsterdam aboard KLM Airlines, out of Dulles. Are you listening Hamish?”
“Loud and clear oh Navajo code talker, I got it all. One theme running thru the chatter pattern right now includes Countrywide and Arkancide going world wide as Rothys blame Rockys and vice versa. Amelia, Dancer and Katie Mae are stirring the pot. Gotta run out for some coffee and gardening, Hamish out” and the squirt gun clipper deal went silent.
David returned his attention to Shannon and her half empty B&T Schooner. He also glanced over at Gate D5 and saw a “maintenance advisory” had been posted, giving the lovebirds and extra 30 minutes of stool sampling. “I am thinking of ordering something to eat, are you hungry Caffrey?”
“As a matter of fact I am hungry but let’s wait and get a Reuben and Beer Cheese Soup at the Afterburner in Fargo, just in case this maintenance advisory get’s removed” as Chips was thinking of something he’d like to remove, something chartreuse.
“Good idea, Shannon” he quipped while he signaled the bartender that two more schooners of Black and Tan would look very nice sitting in front of Chips and Caffrey.
Regarding the trips to Amsterdam where do you wish for me to meet you, the Kraz at 5 PM perhaps?”
“I will take a quick nap when 46 rolls in so why don’t you meet me at Barbizon bus stop, I will catch the 1530 shuttle and join you there about 1545?” suggested Caffrey as a change in her posture suggested something altogether different, and more pleasing.
“That a good idea Shannon, keep your clipper banana with you in case we have to reschedule on the fly” as Blue Skies announced the departure of the Fargo flight from D5. As the second two schooners were being drained Chips signed the American Express receipt for the 4 black and tans and the deep state assets from Fargo walked towards D5 with a one minute interval so it would not appear they were traveling together. It was a good thing since Annie from Fargo was working gate D5. Having seen Shannon already boarded as an XFA, Captain Hunter walked up and presented an XCM slip indicating he was Captain Rich McHogeny, of Blue Skies International. Without missing a beat Annie, who had been hired the same year as David said, “I am so sorry Captain McHogeny, but the FAA has taken your jump seat but here is a boarding pass for seat 2B. Perhaps you will recognize the passenger in 2A” smiled Annie as if to let David know that she had been watching their stool sampling in the bar and was well aware of some things not apparent to the public at large.
“Thanks for the nice seat, Annie, and remember, loose lips sink ships” as he handed her a gift certificate for $50 good anytime at Paradiso Restaurant in Fargo.
“You are very welcome CAPTAIN McHOGENY, have a nice trip, thanks for flying BS” as she emphasized his name. As he boarded the flight and joined cuddles in 2A Annie wondered what was up with the fake name. However, having known Captain Hunter since 1978, she knew he was on the right side of some issue; and that those on the wrong side were probably smelling fresh urine at that prospect. And somewhere at the Sidley Austin Diversity office, a stomach was churning as Lin Dorn and others were about ready to be defending the two axis attack of Captain Hunter and the Arkancide queen. And as attorneys they knew nothing about a “two circle fight”. However, the Free Bees, a set of brothers from England who grew up in Australia and were Icons in America in the 60s thru the 80s have discovered the Truth of 9/11 and put in a format even the Diverse Perverts in Chicago can grasp: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6PqXw6mS2KA
Continuing in a Bee Gees/ Free Bees vein, Captain David Hunter thinks of his sister Amelia as another Bee Gees song comes into his mind “I’ve Gotta Get a Message to You”. And that message is simple. On 12 December, 2007 a law firm in NY/NJ area has been armed with sufficient amounts of 9/11 Truth and using the predictive software we anticipate that almost coincident with HRC’s suspending her campaign, Quiet Rockland will suspend Bobby Sturgill, which will be the first wave of the Tsunami of 9/11 Truth that will wash over the remaining presidential Field. The Black Swans of Europe have predicted a Ron Paul victory and the Black Swans are closer to Europe’s banking families than are Rose Law, Sidley-Austin, and that Budweiser Distributorship in Phoenix. As the aircraft descends into Fargo Captain Hunter reminds Shannon that it was the North Dakota GOP which first muzzled Giuliani and it may well be the US Attorney in Fargo who courageously encourages Attorney General Mukasey to do the right thing; or face a National Guard and United States Marine Corps that thinks he should have. (May 1, 2007) FILED BY ( redacted ) as Civil Case 3:07-CV-49 IN Fargo Courthouse, North Dakota which began with ....
DRAFT 45 PREAMBLE for a CONSTITUTIONAL REMEDY
to PRIVATE-EQUITY RACKETEERING AND TWO-PARTY CORRUPTION IN
GLOBAL GUARDIAN 9/11
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This lawsuit was offered to Attorney General, US, on 3 October, 2007 and as of 12/12/07 there has been not a peep from the USDOJ but please remember, it’s the final weeks of the NFL and any USDOJ assets not committed to flying Con Air lesbians around in quick-release Con Air shackles to kinky parties in Gorelick’s private jails, are involved in ensuring the Giants-Pats game in week 16 can distract a majority of the nation.
As Ms. McKee and Captain Smoked Oysters relaxed in 2A and 2B the hurried and frenzied travelers snaked thru the cabin and out Door 1L into the frigid jetway at Hector’s Gate 1. David lifted Caffrey’s bag down from the bin over 5C and then his own and as she led him up the jetway in back into real life, he found his heart racing ahead to the following Sunday, 12-16-07, when she would join him at the Marriott Courtyard just off the Schilpol Airport property in Amsterdam. There, following and an all night security briefing, they anticipated traveling back on Blue Skies Flight 45 from AMS to MSP. And below in the aft cargo bin would be a casket traveling also; with the HR [ human remains ] of a recently retired pilot for Blue Skies who was forced to retire over the biggest aviation safety issue in US history.
As the Intel assets descended the bugged Otis escalator into an assortment of Tuxedoed cab drivers, a tall and youthful man in blue chrome sun glasses barked “Captain McHogeny is it, do you need a ride tonight?” smiled Stone Kohl to which Captain Rich acknowledged Ms. McKee with a “I’ve got the ride handled but I could use a lift to the farm, and perhaps you can drop Caffrey off at her spot in employee lot. As the threesome went out to the idling 1996 Buick Roadmaster [ with Corvette LT1 engine purring ] Stone Kohl lifted the bags into the trunk and handed them each a frosty Caffrey’s.
“OK Stone, I figured out where you scored the Caffrey’s, but how did you beat us back from Vancouver?” asked Captain Turn-about-is-fair-play.
“Just as you were leaving the hotel, Dirtball clippered in and said he was flying a new BBJ from Boeing Field to Dulles and he was making a pit stop in Fargo for old time’s sake, something about 9 A4s flown to the Hooligan base in 1977. He needed to get a gear cycle before leaving across the mountains so he cycled the gear up at Boeing and down at Vancouver, did a one engine hot-stop and Blue Skies de-ice truck number 4 lifted me up to his forward boarding door and the rest is history. George and his “crew chief” are in crew rest at the Hotel Donaldson so perhaps we could stop by for a Martini enroute to the farm?”
“Sounds good to me, Shannon how is your social calendar tonight?” asked the ever sensitive Captain Suave.
“I was supposed to be at the monthly meeting of parents without partners but if you’d like to cure my partner-less condition I can be there in 15 minutes after you drop me at my airport car” responded the Red headed and chartreuse tailed consumer of brewskis, as her face became flushed. As Stone Kohl pulled up behind her airport car and helped her with the luggage, she handed Captain Eveready two more RB EOPs just in case he got a kitchen pass. Through the back window of the silver Roadmaster Stone Kohl observed the transaction without blowing her cover. As Stone placed her rollaboard in the back of her baby-Jeep thru the swing-out door, Captain Two Swallows thought about the rigors of being the world’s second best Forensic Economist. Somewhere in Vancouver the world’s best Forensic Economist was learning the rigors of being the world’s second best lady-killer and all around boy toy, at age 64.
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While Chips was draining the Caffrey’s 16 ouncer, he noticed the HoDos sign regaling the façade of the Hotel Donaldson and he wondered if the boys in darkglass and ill-fitting raincoats ever figured out the connection between Microsoft, Alien Technologies and the Quentin N. Burdick Federal Courthouse. Perhaps they were busy watching the NFL with the USDOJ assets; or perhaps taking care of USDOJ ass-sets while the legal beagles were glued to the boob tube. In any case Chips saw that a red Jeep Cherokee had pulled up behind the Roadmaster so he ditched the empty in the “egress tube” and stepped out into the cold Fargo air. And he and Stone helped Shannon out of the Jeep they looked at their watches and agreed it was a little early for a Martini, so they bypassed HoDos and went to the Jim Lauerman’s Chili pub across from the UBS Bank in the same building as the inept McNair Law Firm. Of course, saying inept and Law Firm in the same sentence is tantamount to redundancy, at least according to Chips whose sister Amelia had once worked in the US Department of Redundancy Department. As the trio of merrymakers approached Jim Lauerman’s front door, they were saddened to see it had been shuttered, and then they thought back to his battle with cancer and had a silent moment. Agreeing that it would have been more logical for the McNair Law Firm or UBS to be shuttered they walked back to HoDos to lick their wounds. Which gave Chips and idea, to wit,
“Hey Stone, have you talked to the farm today?” asked the father of the son.
“No but I talked to Trent and he said they are all looking for a new farm in Wisconsin and that they’d be back by sundown Friday”, responded the ever communicative Stone Kohl as he anticipated a night free for his Dad.
As the three some walked into HoDos and found a table, Chips made eye contact with a fellow his age, seated with a she-fellow Stone’s age. He knew in a twinkling it was not St. Nick, as there were no reindeer and no sleigh parked outside. As Shannon and Captain Honey Dripper seated themselves on one side of the table, Heir to the 401ks took up his position opposite and noticed that his father was focused on something over his shoulder.
Taking off his blue chrome sunglasses Stone looked over his own shoulder and saw the 50-something moustache owner approaching, with his crew chief in tow.
“Cargo from Fargo, is that you?” came the authentication challenge from Dirtball.
“Dirtball from Tarheel state is that you?” came the same language response. As Cargo and Dirtball greeted each other after a brief 32 year absence, Stone Kohl checked out Crew Chief over security issues and Shannon rose to greet the new comers.
As a wait staff member from HoDos came to their table Dirtball ordered an expensive red wine for his crew chief and a “Death by Bombay” for himself. Captain Piledriver ordered a double “Death by Bombay” for himself and a Brass Check for Shannon, after seeing a visual signal that she would not be driving any more after the “gathering”. A quick glimpse of chartreuse indicated that the Jeep would be outside HoDos all night and well into the morning. Dirtball offered introductions as such:
“Bambi, meet Cargo, he and I flew A4s at NAS Beeville in 1974 thru 1976 and we had some crazy times flying jets, kicking ass, and providing all night security at my own bar in Beeville after the 1 am local closing ordnance removed the customers. Cargo, Caffrey and Stone, meet Bambi. She recently left the Marine Corps where she was a sniper and later a jet engine mechanic at HMX1, even though she never went to tech school on jet engines.”
“Nice to meet you Bambi, I believe you know my son Stone Kohl, 24, a driver at the Air National Guard by day and an understudy at HawksCAFE/Abel Danger by night. Also, this is Shannon McKee whose cover job is a 20 year hitch with Blue Skies, but more importantly she “flies by night”, understands legal transcription and owns the only watering hole this side of St Paul with good beer.”
As the social niceties were taking place, a clipper deal caused Chips, George and Shannon to reach for their units, which provided an opportunity for Stone to check out Bambi’s unit, which he found more than satisfactory.
“Chips with Dirtball and Caffrey, HoDos, Foggy Dew, go ahead” was Captain Hunter’s response to his vibrating clipper squirt gun deal.
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“Chips, it’s a setup, the shooter is in HoDos, there will be a Salvation Army unit outside the bar in 60 seconds, be on it, Amelia out” and a click signaled there was no time, nor need, to chit chat. While Dirtball and Caffrey had not answered in time, Chips understood the tone of his sister’s voice and said “excuse me folks, I have to go outside and get a little fresh air, Stone please order me a second Death by Bombay”, which Stone knew was a code as his father never had more than one double martini while in town.
Stone, ever the cool understudy, watched as his father left HoDos, used his hidden key to recover his suitcase and hopped into a Salvation Army unit at the stop light. With the Salvation Army mobile kitchen headed west towards Roberts St. the silent vibrate mode of Stone’s clipper deal went off. “Excuse me all, I have to visit the men’s room” said Stone as he left towards the biffy but then took a jink to the right, down the street and in the alley by the Fargo Forum, he clippered his dad. “Dad, why the emergency egress?” asked Stone.
“There is a shooter in HoDos with my photo on his rolodex, get over to the Burdick Court House and pick me up. Bring Caffrey but have her leave her vehicle, it’s wired” came the cold news from the hot dad.
When Stone Kohl re-entered HoDos, he tried to fake a panicked expression on his face as he shared with Dirtball, Bambi and Caffrey the news that “my father has just been taken to St. Lukes, he appears to be having a myocardial infarction, suggest Dirtball and Bambi hold down the fort, Shannon and I will take the Roadmaster. Dirtball, here are the keys to the Jeep if you need to relocate” said Stone knowing that if Dirtball was the shooter, he’d know about the wire. With that, Shannon and Stone left, got in the Roadmaster and turned towards St. Lukes then jinked over to the Courthouse. As they approached the Federal Court Building, Stone realized that this game was suddenly for a bigger pot. Shannon felt relieved when Chips slipped into the back seat and said, “All clear, Amelia has monitored the shooter and the shooter is no longer in HoDos, and it is not Dirtball or Bambi. However, I think I’ve pressed my luck for today so if Shannon would be kind enough to drop you in West Fargo, Stone, I will take the Roadmaster to the farm and we can have a tele-con at 9 pm for an update, how’s that fit with you two?”
“No problem Dad, if Shannon can’t drop me, I can get a ride from a guard buddy”.
“Ditto for me Chips, I can get Stone to West Fargo and standby for an update at 2100 hours. It has been a long day.”
As Stone left the driver’s seat by the Forum Publishing Company, he and Shannon walked to HoDos to give Bambi and Dirtball the good news that Chips had survived.
However, Bambi and Dirtball had apparently assumed the best and retired for the night.
Caffrey and Stone left the wired Jeep, called a Lucky Seven cab, and headed to West Fargo.
When the Roadmaster rolled up to the garage, the dogs were happy to greet Captain
David Hunter with a collective welcoming sniff not knowing it would be their last time.
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The next time this human smell would arrive in their driveway would be the evening of 17 December, 2007, and it would be Captain Rich McHogeny. At least according to the Boulger Funeral Home’s public announcement.
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